hey college ladies and fellas!

have you ever opened your student newspaper, especially to the "point of view" or "lifestylez" sections, and said

"the hell, man. i'm tired of reading the same badly-researched political opinion piece. i'm sick of the 'stop being afraid of vaginas' column by the female soph journalism major who thinks sex columns are edgy."

well, there's hope! contact me to publish chainsawsuit for free in your college paper! you could have it in there by like next week's edition! stop having a lame paper, guys.

i'll even use caps and punctuation in my reply to you